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Posts Tagged ‘Anger’

God’s Love Has More Power than Fear and Pain

Posted in Ordinary Time, Reflections from Other Writers and Speakers, Reflections on Scripture, tagged , , , , , , , on August 12, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Sara Fairbanks, OP, reflects through this week’s readings on love’s power to sustain us in the midst of fear and pain.

Yet pain can feel consuming and take so many forms – physical and emotional, yes. But emotional pain can be named more specifically. I tend to name it resentment, envy, anger, frustration, anxiety, and negativity-filled longing. These are the names I’ve learned to give my spiritual struggles. So that these struggles don’t overwhelm me, I need clarity, renewal, and strength the Holy Spirit can provide when I’m open to receiving these gifts.

I’m going to turn to Fr. Mark E. Thibodeaux’s God: I have Issues: 50 Ways to Pray No Matter How You Feel to shine the light of the Holy Spirit on the feelings I listed above. In doing so, I trust that with time and persistence, I will more often recognize light and love as more powerful than any emotion darkness tries to use to make me unable to recognize its opposite.

I also trust that making this book a companion to this blog for the time being will remind me to invite God into and recognize God’s presence in my pleasant, joyful, and simply routine experiences as well as my unpleasant ones.

Fr. Thibodeaux’s book is a guide to living and praying through the gamut of human emotions. Each chapter is dedicated to a different emotion or life experience and begins with a story from the author’s life about when he experienced or shared in someone else’s experience of that emotion.

After each introductory story, which is imbued with relatability and often humor. comes a long list of related scripture passages taken from both the Old and New Testaments.

After this list comes the “Prayer Pointers” section. I’ve consulted this book on and off for years, and while I’m not offering a professional perspective here, I would say that this section combines the wisdom of counseling, meditative, and pastoral approaches. Fr. Thibodeaux often suggests imaginative prayer and visualizations. This section also makes clear that the issues each chapter touches on are not resolved in one day. They are wrestled with in a healthy way by praying to be open to a shift in perspective and practice and by giving helpful habits a chance to become deeply rooted in daily life.

After the “Prayer Pointers” come inspirational or thought-provoking quotes. These are from sources other than scripture.

At the end of each chapter is a list of other chapters that might be related to the one I’ve just worked through. This section acknowledges that emotions are complex. (For example, grief can involve a mixture of sadness, anger, and guilt.) The index is also helpful when I’m not sure which chapter is most relatable to whatever I’m currently experiencing. In it I can look up experiences that weren’t used in the chapter titles.

Maybe in some future posts I’ll share a story of my own that the author’s story made me think of. Maybe I’ll share how his story got me thinking. Maybe I’ll reflect on one of the suggested scripture passages using approaches similar to those of used in the past. Or maybe I’ll share my experience with a visualization. Whatever happens, I’m eager to see where the Spirit leads and to hear what God has to tell me — and us.

Work cited

Thibodeaux, Mark E. God, I Have Issues: 50 Ways to Pray No Matter How You Feel, St. Anthony Messenger Press, 2005.

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Readings for When Faith and Suffering Wrestle

Posted in Ordinary Time, Reflections on Scripture, tagged , , , , , on June 25, 2023| Leave a Comment »

Photo by Chris Chow on Unsplash

This week’s readings:

  1. Jeremiah 20:10–13
  2. Psalm 69:8–10, 14, 17, 33–35
  3. Romans 5:12–15
  4. Matthew 10:26–33

Fortunately, I suppose, unlike Jeremiah, I don’t currently “hear the whisperings of many saying . . . “Let us denounce [her] (Jer. 20:10, The New American Bible, 2001 Edition). But at times, I’ve perceived myself as surrounded by such “whisperings.” (Jer. 20:10). Was I more hurt because I felt someone was rejecting me, or because I thought that person was rejecting God? I suspect that more often than not, the answer was the former. “[Z]eal for [God’s] house” doesn’t “consum[e] me” as I assume it did Jeremiah, though Jeremiah isn’t the name given for the narrator of this week’s psalm (Ps. 69:10).

Jeremiah’s emotional response, his anger, is understandable. But in contrast with what Jeremiah seems to request of God, I don’t want God to “take vengeance” on anyone, or to witness anyone taking vengeance on anyone else (Jer. 20:12). After all, the Webster’s New World College Dictionary defines vengeance as “the return of an injury for an injury, in punishment or retribution” I want to see wrongs made right. In the many situations where what’s lost cannot be recovered, I want to see efforts made to prevent the same harm from happening again. I don’t want to see “the return of an injury for an injury in punishment or retribution.”

And even if I had an experience that changed my mind and my heart about vengeance, it wouldn’t bring back what I’d lost. Also, I have a hard time believing that a God whose very nature is a self-emptying love that we humans struggle to imitate would want to take vengeance on people who hurt me. Why? Because God is the source of their lives as well as mine, God wants to remove anything that might distance them from himself. Now that removal might be painful and difficult for a person to go through, just like breaking oneself of a bad habit or putting distance between oneself and toxic people might be extremely hard to do. Still, I wouldn’t think of actions such as these as vengeance. I would consider them lifesaving in the long run. On the other hand, in the long run, the rejection of such life-saving actions would be its own punishment.

It helps me to put the Old Testament passage into perspective if I consider that the words are attributed to Jeremiah. They aren’t attributed to the voice of God. I believe that God speaks to us through the Scriptures, but so do the other people in them. Not everything in the Bible is God’s will because the people whose stories the Bible hands on to us are subject to rash judgment and limited understanding just like we are. I believe Jeremiah is not excluded from these human weaknesses, and that’s why he asks God to let him witness God taking vengeance on the people who persecute him. He’s likely in grave danger, and he wants to get out of it. I would want the same “rescu[e],” were I in his situation (Jer. 20:13). Perhaps the only way he can imagine God alleviating his suffering is for God to take vengeance on the people causing it.

Despite whatever ways Jeremiah’s spiritual vision may be limited, he’s ahead of me in the faith department because he can say, ” . . . Praise the Lord,/for he has rescued the life of the poor/ from the power of the wicked (Jer. 20: 13)!

This declaration is, more often than I would like, difficult to make my own. I hear too often of those with trusting natures being defrauded of their savings by strangers. The world over, the rich get richer while the poor face food insecurity or even famine, and some leaders sacrifice truth and countless lives on the altar of holding onto and increasing their power.

Does “the LORD [hear] the poor,” as the psalm says (Psalm 69:34)? Undoubtedly, but Jesus died not only so that his brothers and sisters could have eternal life through Him but also so that they could have a clearer understanding of their own dignity and live for more than themselves, becoming conduits of His justice and mercy (qualities that are intertwined with each other) generation after generation. It is receiving and sharing these gifts of Christ’s sacrifice that give eternal life to a soul even though a body can be killed. This receiving and sharing also allows Paul to declare, “For if by the transgression of the one, many died, how much more did the grace of God in the gracious gift of the one man Jesus Christ overflow for the many” (Rom. 5:15).

Lord, I often struggle to share Paul’s faith in the gifts you have given me and anyone open to them. And yet, “I do believe; help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24, The New American Bible Revised Edition). Help me to remember that “[e]ven all the hairs on [my] head are counted (Matt 10:30, The New American Bible, 2001, Edition). Everyone’s are. Nothing happens without [our] Father’s knowledge. Even though so much that happens is unpleasant or unjust, the final victory is not doesn’t belong to these events. Guide me as to how to make this truth tangible for myself and for others. Help me and others to be conduits for more of what you are offering us. Amen.

Works cited

Confraternity of Christian Doctrine, Inc. “Sunday 25 June 2023: Readings at Mass.” The New American Bible, 2001. Universalis for Windows, Version 2.179, Universalis Publishing Ltd., 26 Feb. 2023, https://universalis.com/n-app-windows.htm.

The New American Bible Revised Edition, Kindle edition, Fairbrother, 2011.

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Harnessing the Electricity of Anger

Posted in Reflections on a Verse, Reflections on Scripture, tagged , , , , , , on February 15, 2023| Leave a Comment »

“. . .whoever is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment . . .”

Jesus— Matthew 5:22
Photo by Rohan Makhecha on Unsplash

The verse above and the reading from which it comes, Matthew 5:17-37, is one of those that I have visceral reactions to and not pleasant ones. Until I make myself focus on inhaling and exhaling a few times, I feel suffocated by darkness. I can’t see a sliver of light, and I feel nothing I can grab onto to move forward. I experience temporary despair when I revisit verses like the one I’ve highlighted, they awaken my anxiety and depression like the slightest unusual sound that can startle me out of a sound sleep at night.

I suppose such passages are meant to jar anyone who receives them out of complacency, and they do that. But I find it difficult to see what to do long-term after the jarring. I confess my anger, resentments, and wounds, and mentally, I surrender them to God again and again. Yet anger, resentment, envy, and self-service are such a part of my heart. They cut through every layer of my being. These emotions feel like thorny weeds embedded in a soul that’s filled with concrete. As time passes, uprooting them feels more and more impossible. I feel disappointed in myself for letting poison spread in my own heart and from there the world around me over and over despite repeated and sincere intentions to spread healing and light.

When I heard Matthew 5:17-37 again this weekend, I thought maybe this was one of the weeks I’d link to someone else’s reflection. I didn’t want to spread despair. After all, even though truths can be difficult to share and to receive, I have faith that despair is not truth. I asked God where I could find hope and the truth in the midst of the weeds in my heart and on the hamster wheel of my mind.

Two answers came to me:

  1. Imagine your emotions as electricity, and rather than thinking you need to make them go away, ask God to help you channel them toward creativity and the service of love, rather than simply unleashing them with the result being that they electrocute everyone and everything around you (by “you,” I mean me).
  2. Don’t give up on inviting the gardener of your heart to tend it. Maybe to be alive means not to give up.

It’s easier to imagine #1 coming to fruition for someone else, thanks to an individual being personally affected by a societal wound. Mothers Against Drunk Driving came to my mind. The Wikipedia article about the organization says MADD: “was founded on September 5, 1980, in California by Candace Lightner after her 13-year-old daughter, Cari, was killed by a drunk driver. There is at least one MADD office in every state of the United States and at least one in each province of Canada. These offices offer victim services and many resources involving alcohol safety. MADD has claimed that drunk driving has been reduced by half since its founding.”

The article goes on to say that “[a]ccording to MADD’s website, ‘The mission of Mothers Against Drunk Driving is to end drunk driving, help fight drugged driving, support the victims of these violent crimes and prevent underage drinking'” (qtd. in “Mothers Against Drunk Driving”).

But then there are the experiences that make people angry, that hurt them, that aren’t obviously catastrophic. There are the deep-seated wounds in ourselves, and by extension, in our relationships. I wonder if it’s true that the longer we’ve known someone, the more power they have to hurt us, and the more power we have to hurt the other person. The injuries from these connections may be older and deeper. They may have festered almost as long as we can remember. Elements of them are probably relatable to most people, and yet other aspects of them are unique to the people and situations involved. (Actually, even high-profile traumatic events probably share this quality of being a mixture of painful universality and uniqueness)

As I’ve wrestled with Matthew 5:22 the last few days, I’ve been reminded of the importance of naming emotions and then sitting with them, of saying to myself and to God, “Okay, I’ve just had an experience or an encounter that’s stirred some intense feelings. What are they? Anger, resentment, disappointment, sadness. In the past, I’ve tried to label them and then go on.

But earlier today, I found myself repeating, “I’m angry and hurt. I really wish things were different. I felt a lot more peace and relief when I vented to myself and to God about the feelings rather than hoping that I could simply name them and expect them to go away. Once I had allowed myself this time of confrontation and release, I felt for a good while that Jesus was with me in this pain and that I was a tiny bit grateful to share Jesus’ pain. I prayed that my accepting this pain would do some spiritual good I can’t understand yet. I really did feel like God had helped me harness at least some of the electricity, though the harnessing took a different form than the one that firs occurred to me when I asked for help.

I know that all too soon, I’ll forget to invite God into my struggles. Maybe the key as soon as I realize I’ve forgotten, is to extend the invitation again, to reopen the gate to the garden of my heart repeatedly. Thank You, Lord, for whispering gentleness to my mind when I forget You are there and for knocking on the gate of my heart. Amen.

Works cited

The Bible. The New American Bible Revised Edition, Kindle edition, Fairbrother, 2011.

“Mothers Against Drunk Driving.” Wikipedia: The Free Encyclopedia, Wikimedia Foundation Inc. 28 Nov. 2022, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothers_Against_Drunk_Driving.

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